You LICKED the photo
by stevieLUVSAlex
Summary: PURE humor... some definite fluff... and just plan old FUN! The SG-1 team, go camping for the weekend and its all about... well, you'll see. Last chapter up!
1. Washing

_A/N: this is a different kind of humor than I usually do with SG-1, so bare with me… I promise to make it fun and exciting… maybe a little OOC, but I'll do my best to keep their personalities in tact… maybe… =) Intrigued? Good. READ ON!_

_Set somewhere in season 8… with added Vala, cause let's face it, she's a TRIP! Sorry, NO Cam._

"Can you believe that everyone actually agreed to this," Vala grinned excitedly as she skipped around Sam Carter. Sam felt dizzy, and looked away from Vala.

"Yes, it is kind of a miracle," she agreed.

It was the first time that everyone agreed to take time off from work, and go camping, if they all made it out, which seemed unlikely, they would be together for a whole weekend, without the talk of work.

When Sam had mentioned this to Jack, he had readily agreed, eager for a fishing trip, he had been begging Sam to go with him for years, but work had always reared its ugly head.

"We won't be going anywhere!" Jack announced standing in the doorway of Sam's quarters.

Sam's heart sank. She should have known something like this would happen. "Who is attacking earth this time?" she asked not bothering to hide her disappointment. She was hoping secretly to get some "quality time" with Jack, to get to know him a little more, out of uniform… **(Oh come on FF readers, you were ALL thinking it)**

Jack shook his head. "No one," he stated. "I just can't get everything done… there isn't enough time in the day."

Sam rolled her eyes.

"Here, let me do that," Vala offered taking his duffel bag. "I'll do the laundry."

Jack frowned. "You ever done laundry before?"

Vala shook her head. "You can do it… how hard could it be, darling?" she teased with an added wink.

Sam snorted with a laugh, and Jack frowned at her. "Sorry, Sir," she muttered. He always found a way to get out of the mundane responsibilities. As far as the SGC went, he was always up to the task, but when it came to domestic chores, he was like a teenager, running anywhere but where the chores lay waiting to be done. Jack had gotten out of it – again.

"Yes, well… thanks," he mumbled to Vala.

Jack walked out leaving Sam to finish packing her own duffel bag, and Vala went off to sort out the laundry. "Want me to wash your clothes, too?" Vala offered backtracking.

"No," Sam declined. "Thanks. I got mine."

Vala nodded and wondered off.

It took Vala, a good twenty minutes to make the machine work. She pounded it a few times before it finally gave in and started rumbling. Vala nodded, pleased with herself. It wasn't so hard, once she got the hang of it.

When the load of Jack's clothes was done, she opened the lid, a smile of accomplishment plastered across her face. She had done human work, without help, and it felt good. As she pulled the clothes out, she frowned. _Were they supposed to look like that_?

"Uh oh," she said aloud. _Nope, definitely weren't supposed to look like that_.

Her mind whirled with the possibilities of ways Jack O'Neill was going to kill her, the most affective being stunned with a Jaffa weapon. She imagined her body disappearing into dust. The image was not comforting. Eventually, she decided not to tell him, and threw all of the tattered, ripped and powder blue clothes into the disposal by the washing machine.

He could always go commando… Vala was sure Sam would love that.

"You done yet?" Daniel asked poking his head into the room.

"Yeah," she nodded.

"Come on, then. Jack's ready to go."

"Coming darling," she skipped.

Daniel rolled his eyes, as they two of them walked out, the empty duffel bag slung over her shoulder.

_A little honesty here… this was a challenge given to me by Tootapanga1 a while ago, that I wrote down but never worked on, with a bunch of tasks and items that needed to be included. So when I found it hidden in a drawer and looked over it, I smiled at the prospect of another FUN-loving FF… _

_Just imagine how much fun this is going to be… Jack has NO clothes!_

_Did you like it? Want more? _


	2. No clothes

_A/N: Sorry it took so long to update… lost my muse, as it went… sorry. I'll try harder, I just have a load of other things I'm working on to… not just writing as well. Life does that *shrugs* what can you do… enjoy the chapter! =)_

"Okay, we're here!" Jack announced pulling the pick-up truck up to the curb.

Everyone piled out.

Daniel showed Teal'c how to set up the tents, and Jack gave them a hand, while the girls, pulled the bags and coolers from the truck. Vala found pleasure in decorating the tents with tinsel and plastic globes.

"Well, merry Christmas," Jack muttered sarcastically. It was March.

"I think it looks nice," Vala stated unbothered by his comment.

"Are we going to be surprised with elf's and

"If that's your wish, my darling," she grinned.

Jack rolled his eyes. "Click your shoes together three times, and repeat the phase, 'there's no place like home'," he muttered to himself.

Sam overheard, and a smile spread cross her lips.

… … … … …

Jack approached Vala at the campfire, as the sun was starting to set.

He wanted to get dressed. He'd been wearing the same slacks and t-shirt for three days, and hadn't had a chance to change clothes, every time he had a free moment, he was interrupted. He deserved this camping trip. It was why he had needed to do his washing, grateful that Vala had offered. He hated washing… scratch that he hated chores that didn't involve fighting a bunch of alien predators.

"Vala… where's my clothes?" he demanded. He could have asked her politely, but then he would have been Daniel.

Vala's face drained of color as she looked across at Sam.

Jack frowned. "What?"

"The clothes, I um… they-" they blushed avoiding eye contact.

"What did you do this time?" Daniel demanded.

Vala's gaze shot to the Anthropologist. "That's not very nice, Daniel. I did my best."

"Fine," Jack snapped. "Where are my clothes?"

"I sort of um… threw them away…" she admitted. She shot him her most charming smile and batted her eyelids, she knew that sex appeal worked with men, and Jack was a man. He might not kill her if she at least pretended she was interested in him.

Jack's eyes widened as he realized what she meant. "You threw them away?" he asked.

"They kind of shredded in the washing machine!"

"…" Jack muttered under his breath, not loud enough for anyone else to hear. He stared at Vala. "How am I supposed to go a week with no clothes?" he asked gesturing openly with his hands.

"You don't need 'em," she announced.

"I'm sorry," he frowned.

"Like it or not Jack, you have an extremely appealing body," she said matter-of-factly. "I'm not the only one who thinks so." Her gaze moved to Sam, who instantly lowered her eyes into the fire.

Jack felt his stomach do a summersault, but he ignored it. Sam was strictly off-limits. There was no… possibilities where she was concerned, and thinking about it only caused a cold shower.

"Do something about it!" he roared.

"Why, like I said-"

"VALA!" he shouted.

She recoiled. "Fine," she shrugged. "I have a pink skirt I think you'd look quite lovely in, darling…"

If looks could kill, Vala would be dead.

_This is just a taste of what's to come… reviews make lovely new year gifts, and let me know you are enjoying the story… =) I leave the rest in your hands…_


	3. Karma

_A/N: I'm sorry for the delay… I am TRYING really hard to keep my FF's in order, but lately I've been swapped with other things and my new passion for Criminal Minds takes up spare time… *blush* yeah, I should try harder, but Reid and Morgan are SO much fun to look at =) _

In a long floral pink t-shirt, Jack settled into his sleeping bag. He was sharing a tent with Daniel and Teal'c and he knew it was a mistake the moment he entered the tent. Even Teal'c had a look of amusement on his face. Daniel of course, was in fits of laughter, rolling around on his sleeping bag.

"Shut up!" Jack ordered.

Daniel tried to hold himself together.

"I believe that Daniel Jackson is assumed by your garment!" Teal'c said.

Jack rolled his eyes. "Ya think?"

He groaned as he lay there, sickly aware of how hideous he may have appeared to everyone else, and then he groaned louder when he realized he liked the feel of fabric against his body. Of course, he didn't dare mention this to anyone else. This camping trip was NOT turning out the way he planned.

When morning came, Jack stumbled out of bed, and stepped over Daniel to get to the tent entrance. He groaned groggily from sleep. "Come on, Jack…"

"Time to rise and shine!" he announced. He stepped out of the tent and into the morning sun, slapping on his green army cap.

Jack dropped into one of the fold-out chairs, allowing the sun to wash over him. It was a miracle they managed to make this trip. While they were out on missions, sun exposed, it wasn't exactly the same thing. Jack couldn't remember the last time he had just sat absorbing the warmth of Mother Nature, for no other reason than just because.

"Goodmorning, Sir," the angel voice greeted.

Jack turned his head to find Sam approach. "Carter," he nodded. She was suppressing a smile. Jack looked down aware that he was still wearing the damn pink floral shirt. "No wise cracks!" he demanded.

"I didn't say anything, Sir."

"Just in case…" he groaned.

"Coffee?" she asked.

Jack eyed her suspiciously. "Yeah," he nodded. "Thanks."

She fixed him a cup and brought it over to him. The two of them sat in silence enjoying the peace and quiet. No one else was up yet.

"JACK!" Daniel's voice bellowed from the tent. "YOU SMASHED MY GLASSES YOU BIG LUG!"

He pulled a face at Sam. "Guess that means I'm in the doghouse."

"I think so, Sir," she smiled.

"Payback's a B*%$#."

"I'm sorry?' she frowned not understand the reference.

"He was laughing at my shirt…" he shrugged in differently. As far as jack was concerned it was his own fault.

"So you broke his glasses?" she gasped in horror.

"Of course not," he sounded appalled at the accusation. "It's just Karma balancing out."

Sam couldn't help but laugh. "I don't think Daniel would see it that way," she informed him.

"Guess not," Jack mumbled.

_I hope that was as funny to you as it was to me. =)_

_Reviews are wonderful ways to tell me ways to improve this story… any suggestions, I'm open to them? =)_


	4. Mistaken Identity

_A/N: This chapter is dedicated to Gatehead81 who gave me this idea… I can't say I'm a Daniel and Vala lover, but I do enjoy them somewhat. =) I am also TERRIBLY sorry for the long delay… I'll do my best not to make the next chapter as long a wait._

Daniel had difficulty seeing without his glasses. While he could see the shape and outline of a person, he couldn't be sure who they actually were, without the sound of their voice, which annoyed him somewhat, and the night sky did NOT help. Damn Jack!

Around the campfire, Daniel was using his other senses to listen.

"It's the last time I trust an alien to do my washing," Jack was saying. Daniel assumed Jack was looking at Vala.

"Very funny, sweetie," Vala responded. "I'll have you know I did a good job matching your clothes. They are ALL the same color."

"That is NOT a good thing," he reminded her.

"I beg to differ," she responded.

This argument went on for quite some time, before Daniel excused himself and stumbled blurrily to his tent. He wished he had his glasses. He would have liked to study one of his anthropologist books he had brought along. He was aware this was a vacation, of course, but for Daniel Jackson, studying was a hobby as well as his work, he was fortunate in that area, that he got paid for doing something he loved, unlike those who were stuck in a mediocre job, complaining about the long hours and small salary.

Daniel had been lying across his sleeping bag for a while before he heard voices outside the tent.

It was Sam and Vala.

"This is a break, isn't it?" Vala was arguing.

"Yes, but I hardly call this an appropriate action to be taking, Vala," Sam responded. "It's not like the two of you can enjoy this kind of relationship when we get back to base, you know it's against regulations."

"HUH!" she laughed wickedly. "I am not even human. Those rules DON'T apply to me."

"I think you're making a mistake," Sam stated.

"Then let it MY mistake," she insisted.

Sam sighed heavily. "Alright, but don't say I didn't warn you."

"Not a problem, sweetie," Vala sounded happy.

Daniel frowned as he heard only one step of footsteps distance themselves from his tent, a moment later he heard the shuffle of feet move closer, and he saw the tent entrance peel open.

For once, Daniel wasn't afraid. He knew Vala well enough to know what she was referring to with her conversation with Sam, and knowing that nothing could ever come about from it, might have been the reason he folded so easily. He stood from the sleeping bag, in attempt to meet Vala half way. He'd give in. he was feeling strangely crazy. He could blame it on too much fresh air and sun, or lack of reading material. Or he couldn't simply blame Jack. Yes, that seemed like a plausible excuse. He'd blame Jack.

"Don't say a word," Daniel ordered. It was easier if she didn't do her 'Vala' thing. He would just take her into his arms, do what he felt like and then that would be the end of it, at least Vala wouldn't complain, she was always flirting with him, always coming up with reasons why it would be a GOOD thing to play with this kind of fire. Now was possibly his only plausible excuse, and when would he ever get another chance like this?

Daniel stepped forward, and without thinking, he slipped his arms around her waist and pulled her forward, inching his mouth close to hers.

"WOH!" a voice responded, pushing him back with so much force that he landed on his backside. "Hold it right there, Danny boy!"

"Jack?" he frowned as he scrambled unsteadily to his feet.

"You were expecting Princess Leia," he replied with dripping sarcasm.

"I… er… I… um…"

Um… what?" he demanded. Jack was NOT a happy camper.

"Sorry," Daniel felt his cheeks flush with embarrassment.

"DON'T YOU EVER DO THAT TO ME AGAIN?" he warned. "I came in here to apologize for the whole glasses thing and bring you some new ones, but now… I think I'll stomp on these too!"

Daniel heard Jack leave the tent, and lowered his head in disappointment.

Where the hell was Vala?

"I have to admit, that was quite entertaining," her voice responded from the dark corner of the tent, where he couldn't her. She expressed a giggle.

Daniel groaned. "Shut up!" he barked.

_Don't know how OOC this was, but I hope you had a laugh… I would really appreciate some reviews, just to let me know you want more of this, its slow but I have some REAL teasers coming up! And of course the chapter that will be entitled YOU LICKED THE PHOTO!_


	5. Rain Storm

_A/N: I apologize for the extremely LONG delay. I haven't have the muse for this story AT ALL… it may have to do with the fact that I haven't watched the show in a month or so. But I hope it was cute enough that you forgive me…_

No one saw it coming, and nobody was prepared, since it was the middle of summer. So when the rain started belting down seemingly out of nowhere, each member of the SGC ran for cover, to a secluded spot under an oak tree. They walked in horror as the tents blew over. It was Jack who insisted that Daniel and Teal'c make themselves useful and put up a tarp to cover the tents and the small fire they had going before the rain killed it.

"And what are you going to do?" Daniel challenged.

"Stand here and look pretty!" he grinned.

"Yeah," Daniel shot him a dirty look. "I don't think so, Jack."

"I agree with Daniel Jackson," Teal'c interjected. "I do believe that is unfair, O'Neill."

"Oh do you, space man," he groaned.

Teal'c raised his brow in that famous way he did.

Jack rolled his eyes. "Come on then, you pansies. Let a man show you how it's done," he ducked under the tree and into the pouring rain.

It took them almost an hour in the pouring rain to put up a tarp, and re built the tents and by then the fire was well and truly out. Daniel attempted to start another one, but to no avail. It was Sam who managed to get it up and going.

Safely and protected under cover in one of the tents, Sam offered Jack some clean clothes, which he gratefully accepted. "Thanks, Carter!"

"No problem, Sir."

Their eyes seemed to linger on each other a little longer than necessary, but the trance was instantly broken when Vala appeared with wet mistle toe.

"What are you doing with that?" Jack asked skeptically.

Vala grinned. "Well, darling, I heard the tradition is when you stand under this green leaf, you get a kiss," she grinned wickedly. "Where is Daniel?"

Jack smiled, knowing that Daniel would do his best to get out of it, after the whole "wet tarp" thing, Jack was eager to see Daniel get a little just desert. His broken glasses didn't seem like enough. He had fun when Daniel was being tortured, Jack thought of it as a bonus hobby.

"He's by the fire," Jack informed her.

Vala skipped happily away.

Sam turned to Jack. "That wasn't very nice…" she said.

"I'm not a very nice guy," he shrugged.

Sam smiled. "You know I believe that." Sam shuffled through her bag and pulled out a pair of bright red leather boots.

Jack's eyes widened. "You have them?"

"Yes," she frowned. "Is that a problem, Sir?"

"No," he muttered. "Course not. I just didn't think that-"

"That what, Sir?"

"I didn't think…" he cleared his throat, unsure how to finish his sentence. "They're nice."

Sam raised an eyebrow and said nothing.

… … …

The next time Sam made an appearance to the entire group, she was dressed in short green cotton shorts and her red leather boots that reached her knees.

"Sam, you look…" Daniel stared at her in disbelief.

Jack's eyes wandered over her appreciatively.

Teal'c's eyebrows were raised in his signature way.

Vala was grinning widely. "Wow, you look sexy!"

Jack cleared his throat and Sam looked at him.

"It's summer," she said defensively. "We're on vacation."

"I didn't say anything," Jack shrugged.

Sam pouted as she sat perched on the log, and pulled a book from her bag by her feet.

"You're reading?" Jack stated. "Really/"

"I like reading, Sir. It's relaxing."

"No," he denied. "Fishing is relaxing. Bush walking is relaxing."

"Those things are fine too, Sir. But I prefer a book."

"Why?" he questioned.

"I like to stimulate my mind," she answered.

"Argh!" he groaned.

Sam just smiled as her eyes scanned across the words on the page.

_I know you deserve a longer chapter, since you waited forever, but I'm sorry… it's all I could manage. I haven't been watching the TV show, so if the characters seem a little OOC, please tell me!_

_=D Review? _


	6. You LICKED the photo

_A/N: I have no idea if Teal'c likes alcohol or not, so for the sole purpose of my story, let's pretend he doesn't drink much and he hates beer. =D Ps. This is the last chapter and this is the one everyone has been waiting for… hope it's not too disappointing. =D_

Sam was away from the group, when she took out the photo of Jack from her bag. She wasn't even sure what compelled her to bring the photo with her on the camping trip, only that she never left home without it. It had been that way since he had disappeared for days, leaving her crying in the locker room, thinking she'd never see him again. Underneath all that tough exterior she held at bay, she was a girl with loose emotions.

With the only stash of chocolate left in the possession of all the campers, Sam shoved the last melting piece into her mouth. She managed to get some on his photo, and without thinking, she proceeded to lick the smudged chocolate from the photograph, knowing she was on her own. But what she hadn't accounted for was Vala and Teal'c taking a walk to explore bits of the camping ground.

As if the universe saw a chance to mock her, the two of them watched in horror as her tongue dragged across the photo in her hand.

"What are you doing, darling?" Vala asked curiously, titling her head.

Sam's eyed widened and her face turned pale as she lowered the photo to her lap, hiding the image from view. She would be mortified if they were to learn what she had in the palm of her hand. "I was um…" she stammered. Sam couldn't manage to find the words to explain what she was doing.

"I do believe you licked the photo, Major Carter." Teal'c stated matter-of-factly.

Sam blushed. "I was…" she looked down at her hands. "Chocolate!" she announced. "I was licking the chocolate."

"From what?" Vala asked.

"Nothing!" she said a little too quickly.

Vala stepped up to Sam and extended her hand, exposing her palm. "Let's have it!" she announced.

Sam blushed evidently, gripping the photo tighter in her palm. She would die before she handed it over to Vala.

Teal'c stepped up the two of them, raising his eyebrows as he tried to see what Sam was concealing. Sam shoved it under her arm, hiding it from view.

"You'll have to tell us eventually," Vala insisted.

"I don't think so," she said firmly shaking her head.

Sam was relieved when the two of them walked away, giving her the space she needed to shove the photograph in the bottom of her duffel bag. She cursed herself for ever thinking that bringing his photo was a good idea. Jack would have been horrified to learn she was carrying a photograph of him around in her bag – okay, so maybe it would have given him an ego boost instead, either way, Sam was mortified at how close she had come to being caught.

… … … …

Teal'c had never had any interest in trying an alcohol beverage and he hadn't cared too much for beer, so when Vodka was offered to the campers, Teal'c decided he would like to try some. He downed the shot of vodka quickly, seemingly having no affect, and he reached for his second one within a few minutes, downing that one too.

Jack watched him with amusement, believing that his larval _**Goa'uld**_ would protect him from becoming intoxicated.

But to everyone's surprise, this time, it seemed to reach him the way it reached human beings, and slowly over the course of the night, his words slurred and he began talking in riddles and speaking like he was just like any other man intoxicated by the intake of alcohol.

"I think you may have had enough, Teal'c," Sam announced. "How are you feeling?"

"I have a strange sense of light-headedness," he answered. Teal'c had learnt a lot about humans since he came to join the SGC, more than anyone else would have thought possible.

"You're drunk, T man," Jack laughed drinking from his beer bottle.

Teal'c raised an eyebrow. "I indeed feel most peculiar," he agreed.

Vala leaned forward and grinned. "This is where humans go crazy and spill all their secrets."

"Secrets?" he asked.

"Yeah," Vala nodded eagerly. "As in things they would never think of saying aloud."

"Indeed," Teal'c nodded once. "I believe that Carter holds a secret!"

Jack was instantly alert. "Do tell?" he looked intrigued.

Sam's face instantly lost color.

"I caught Carter licking a photograph of O'Neill."

Sam's face was pale by then and her eyes gazed embarrassingly into the fire, unable to look at Jack. Sam had never felt more humiliated in her life. She would have rather have her body invaded by aliens than have to endure this scene.

"Carter?" Jack addressed. She refused to look at him. "Is this true?"

"It was chocolate, Sir," she insisted, her eyes still focused on the fire.

"I saw the photo," Vala protested.

"I got chocolate everywhere," she blushed.

"Carter?" Jack addressed a second time and still she refused to meet his gaze. "A word?"

Jack stood from the crowd of friends, and waltzed over to a tree, out of eyeshot from the rest of the team, and waited for Sam. Reluctantly she made her way over there and stood trembling, her eyes glancing at a spot on the tree above his head.

"Carter," he said gently. "Do you have a photo of me?"

"Yes, Sir," she admitted. "You gave it to me some time ago, when you were rescued from the lost paradise."

"Ah," he nodded in recollection.

There was a long lingering pause.

"Why did you bring it here?" he asked.

Sam finally looked at him. "I never go anywhere without it, Sir?"

"Oh," he said.

Sam lowered her head again. "I'm sorry, Sir."

"What for?"

"For making this awkward," she said. "I was away from camp, and I thought it was safe to take the photo out," she shrugged. "I won't make that mistake again."

"Don't be sorry, Carter…" he lifted her chin with his finger and smiled lovingly at her, in a way there job status did not allow, and as their eyes locked, the world disappeared and the rule book was seemingly thrown out the window.

"Sir…" she whispered.

His lips brushed with hers in a powerful tension filled kiss, as his hands encircled her waist drawing her forward and holding her securely in his arms, her hands finding their way around his neck to hold him in place as if she were afraid he would move away, not that either one of them could muster the will to pull away. As it was so often in her dreams, time seemed to pause as the kiss dragged on.

What they were doing was completely against regulations, and for once neither of them cared.

Finally, Sam stepped back.

"Sir, I-" she looked flustered, the paleness from her cheeks suddenly full of color.

"I have wanted to do that more times than you will ever know," he admitted.

"Me too," she confessed. "But-"

"I'll quit," he promised. "I'll go somewhere else. We can make it work!"

Sam sighed heavily. "Can you really see yourself doing that?"

"Yes," he nodded firmly. "I've played the hero for a while, now I want this… I want you," he said. "Okay?"

Sam feeling like a giddy school girl, nodded.

The sudden sound of wolf-whistling was heard from the camp fire, and both Jack and Sam looked rather guilty as they looked at their friends.

"About damn time!" Daniel shouted.

Sam looked at Jack, who was looking down at her with a wide smile. No words needed to be said then, it was all written in their eyes. They had the future ahead of them… and the rest of their lives to figure out what came next.

Thank God for Teal'c, and his ability to get drunk.

_A/N: THE END!_

_Hope it wasn't too disappointing… and sorry for the wait!_


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